I won't lie, once upon a time I would've worn that perfectionist label like a badge of honour. And that's because setting crazy high standards and putting ridiculous amounts of pressure on myself worked well for me at certain points in my life. It's the reason I ended up with a whole PhD in Psychology for instance.

 

Doing well enough was never an option. Anything less than excellence was a failure in my mind. 

I'm sure you can already imagine what this meant for me when I found out that I was pregnant for the first time. After the initial shock and adjustment to the idea that I’d be someone else's mum (and the internal crisis as a result of a potentially compromised career path), my perfectionist instinct saddled up and rose to the challenge.

 

I planned, prepped, read up and researched everything about birth and newborn babies. I was going to use everything I learned to have a positive birth experience, a smooth postpartum period and be the perfect mother.

 

Just apply the formula that had always worked and excel. Easy, right?

Yeah, not so much.

 

Not even three months into round one of parenthood and I was totally burnt out.

 

I'd been working so hard mentally and physically to keep up with all of the things I thought I should be doing.

 

To check all of the boxes.

 

To do it all the right way.

 

To stay in control.

 

To hold myself together. 

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Until I couldn't any longer. 

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Something had to give and it couldn't be me anymore. 

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It's safe to say that ahead of giving birth and re-entering new motherhood for a second time, some hard lessons in the art of letting go were learnt. And some big moves in building trust in myself were made. ​​​​

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No more looking for validation or reassurance outside of myself. 

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No more trying desperately to control all of the pieces. 

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No more questioning whether my way was the right way.